Alter-Egotistical Fine Art Prints
Gamer Bling may not know art, but he knows what he likes. And, within the world of artistic decoration, the things that Gamer Bling likes to have around the house are the works of Stephen Lyman and Matt Wilson, and above all the Gamer Bling Official Companion wearing next to nothing.
But now a new piece of art has entered Gamer Bling’s crusty old heart, one that allows him to be egotistical without visiting the painful reality of standing in front of the bathroom mirror and realizing that he is no longer the studly young man he used to be sort of was… once… a while back… briefly.
A moment of silence, please, for the lost twenty years and the lost gained thirty pounds.
Okay, so maybe the silence was broken by the sound of Gamer Bling’s stifled sniffles, but that’s not because Gamer Bling was weeping for his squandered youth; Gamer Bling was actually weeping for joy over his newfound art. No, really.
Okay, maybe the sniffles were more half-and-half.
Be that as it may, the fact remains that you can now be egotistical about portraits that aren’t even you: they’re your alter-egos! Your PCs! The pure and undefiled characters that sprang wholly formed from your fertile imagination, and the only offspring that you’ll ever have that are created without the burdens of sexual reproduction, which is a good thing because we all know that some gamers won’t ever have to wake up every two hours through the night like Gamer Bling did with Gamer Bling Expansion #2.
Seriously. Every two hours. Every night. For a year. The Gamer Bling Expansion #2 was almost errata’d out of existence many times, there being a window in his room that was very tempting, very tempting indeed at 4:00 in the morning. Again. And again.
But now that the Expansions are older, there will be no more late-night crying in Gamer Bling’s house. Except for tears of jealous rage when his fellow gamers come over and see that awesome alter-ego portraits that now hang in Gamer Bling’s playroom office. Because they, unlike Gamer Bling, are very cool. The prints, that is. Not Gamer Bling’s friends. Because if said friends were cool, they’d have art prints of their very own.
You see, AvatarArt is going retrograde, like the planets did before people figured out that the Earth was not the center of the Universe (it was actually The Gamer Bling Official Companion, but since her universe revolves around good chocolate, things can get confusing for astrophysicists).
By this Gamer Bling means that the top… men at AvatarArt are bucking recent trends and have gone from digital to paper. Specifically, they have added printing to their line of services. So your high art no longer need be confined to your computer desktop.
According to the top… men at AvatarArt, whom Gamer Bling has every reason to believe without hesitation since they think Gamer Bling is both cool and funny, getting a print from AvatarArt is both better and cheaper than doing so through Kinko’s.
Okay, that was a gimme. Sort of like saying that [insert any name here] is a better place to eat than McDonald’s. Although it’s tough to get cheaper than a $1 McChicken. In pretty much any definition of “cheaper.”
AvatarArt boasts that they have a 12-color / 1,200 DPI printer, which is larger than the 8-dyes / 600 DPI crap you’ll get at Kinko’s. Of course, most TCGs are printed with 4 colors and 300 dpi, just for comparison, and that’s considered printing money, or, in the case of the many many failed TCGs, shoveling money into the furnace.
Also, you can choose to have your art printed on archival paper, rated for 80+ years, which is far longer than Gamer Bling hopes to live, and which makes the art a piece of gamerrific heirloomery much like The Sultan, except that your kids are more likely not to sell The Sultan at an estate sale after your death.
Even better, you can print your character… wait for it… life-size! That’s right, print it at 1:1 scale and make your very own standee to go with your Elvis and Marilyn and Bart Simpson standees!
Or you could really splurge and have AvatarArt print your piece on actual canvas. And then you could take that canvas and make it into a sail for your yacht. Because it can be big enough. Seriously. You see, you can get your artwork made at almost any size. The short size is limited to 44 inches and the long side is limited to the amount of material available in an industrial-sized roll of paper. Which is a lot.
So have it printed in strips and make yourself a Gleek-getting-blown-up sail! What a way to advertise this website at the local regatta!
You may finally have to take down that Farrah Fawcett poster that’s been up there since the 70s.
And if you put it up with thumbtacks, you lose a lot of style points. Instead, invest in a frame. No, really.
A 44″ x 288″ piece of artwork is better suited for a tablecloth. Which is kind of a cool idea for your gaming table, really.
If you go through rendered characters like Gamer Bling goes through spellcasters, you’ll quickly run out of wall space.
And Giis, if you put up a poster like unto the masterpiece of the grand finale of Gleek’s meteoric rise to power and prelude to his even more meteoric descent to compost, you may negatively impact the romantic feelings of any woman who chances to be in your domicile, which can be especially bad if said woman is your wife. Which Gamer Bling found out shortly after hoisting the “juicy” rendition of Gleek over the living room fireplace right before the Gamer Bling Official Companion had her homeschool group over. After which Gamer Bling narrowly avoided having Gleek suffer a second fiery death.
The Bottom Line
If you really love your PC, there is no choice.
Bling Factor: 10
Utility: 1 (only because you can point to it and say, “My character looks like that.”)
Price: $5-$8 per square foot
You need: One per character.
You can only get this by e-tail. Last Gamer Bling checked, few stores carry stock on custom-ordered artwork for your half-dragon halfling barbarian-bard. Click on this link to check out the details on the custom prints, which link will hopefully soon have a referral code embedded so Gamer Bling can get lots of referral bonuses and get artwork done for his City of Heroes characters.
Sculptures? You know it’s possible, especially with the laser-controlled 3-d modeling gizmo that’s been invented recently.